I read somewhere that the first draft of anything is shit.
It’s the same thing with our inner selves.
Just like a beautiful novel that has been written a few times before it splendidly shows up on a shelf, the first “draft” of ourselves is crap. I’m not talking about the essence we are born with, or who we were as kids.
We are essentially a product of our interactions and our environment, and it takes time to unlearn and deconstruct what you think you know of yourself, in order to write a better draft of you.
There are so many things we must learn to shed first, before we can let our own inner phoenix shine.
Layers of fear, anger, old (toxic) love, messy feelings, strangled emotions, unconscious habits, and so on (and on) to get to the core of who we are and what we really want for ourselves.
Like with all the layers of an onion, the core is the sweetest and most protected. Look at how we protect and even hide our true selves. We hide our emotions, desires, and dreams. We make great excuses and have fantastic reasons for not looking inwards. I know I have.
In a sense, we keep on piling those layers, one above the other. We do this until our core is so “protected” and “secure” by the bitter outer layers, that we forget about the beautiful crux. In the narrative of the onion, we stay sharp and keep people at bay.
You never really know a character until s/he reaches a twist in the road, or the thick of the story. Like fictional characters that we read about, with each of life’s main twists and turns, we begin to upgrade our thoughts and values.
As we embark on our own hero’s journey, we begin to notice why the previous versions of us didn’t quite fit like an easy puzzle.
I tried to develop a few “drafts” of myself, but had a hard time figuring out which one to work with. I’m not sure I love the other, earlier, versions of myself. But I sure have to be kind to them, because they were pivotal to where I am today. Those versions were drafted on A4 laser jet printer paper… the new one is written on hand made Egyptian papyrus. It’s for real (until the next draft).
Building on version “Me 1.0” is how I’m going to forge a better story. It’s how I will be able to relate with others with more compassion and understanding. It is how I will engage with, and delve deeper, into my own person.
We adapt and we change — sometimes (and hopefully) profoundly. The interactions we have with others forces us to reevaluate how we think, the choices we make, how we want to live and be.
It’s easy to get lost in the middle of life, leaving the matter for another day. We can definitely stay complacent and decide that who we are today is already the best we can be.
But I’m not satisfied with that, and neither should you be. We need to throw out the first drafts. It’s a big part of our personal evolution.
There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. (Paulo Coelho)
It is our responsibility to work and build on the shitty first drafts of our precious selves. Daily. In small and big ways. Because only then can we reach our own kind of wonderful.
Wouldn’t it be sad to retract from effort and growth because of a fear of failure? We must throw out our first drafts, so we can experience our best self — and not get stashed away, unedited, in a dark drawer somewhere.
